I don’t know what to do. Nothing is working out for me right now. No matter which way I turn, things keep getting worse. I feel like I am in a hole and it is getting deeper and deeper. When will it ever end?
Surely, I am suffering because I don’t deserve anything better. If I would have been a different person, then I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t be having these problems right now. It is all my fault.
At night I toss and turn, my head filled with images of the things I could have done or should have done. I cannot rest. I hurt all over. I want to go back to bed, but I can’t. I have things to do…places to go…people to see… I am exhausted.
I feel like I am lost in a desert. I cannot get relief for my incessant thirst. I don’t have any water and there is none around me. I am hot and dry, and there is no shade in which to cool myself. The sun is scorching me and there is no relief.
Something has got to change. I know what I cannot do. I cannot change the past. What has happened has happened. If only I could turn back the hands of time, I could make things different. But, alas, that is not possible.
I cannot change the actions of others. They have made their own choices just as I have. I cannot force them to change, nor can I change their past. I cannot change how they treat me, or what they do as a result of my foolishness.
What can I do? First and foremost, I can accept who and what I am. Ripping myself to pieces will not get me anywhere. Crying just makes my head hurt. Anger is no better, all it does is dredge up the past. Yes, I have weaknesses, but I also have strengths.
I can look to my God for help. He is my rock, my guide, and my stay. He loves me, no matter what I have done, no matter where I end up. He gave his life on the cross for me, little old foolish, insignificant me. He died that I might live.
I will live for Him. I will work for Him. I will praise the new beginning I have each day because of Him. I will look at others needs and help fulfill them because I know that is what He would have me to do. I know that He is with me now, and always will be, forever and forever!
©2016 by Denise W. Anderson, all rights reserved.